Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
