It's like God shit irony all over that family
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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