remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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