May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
