I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
