The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
