Tell her she can't have a vagina
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
