Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
