Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
