so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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