Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize