I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
