I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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