I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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