Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The convent might be a nice break from real life
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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