like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
