I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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