you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize