So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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