highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
