When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize