I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize