I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
