Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
