Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
