Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
