Umm I'm too high to move.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
