If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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