Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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