I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
