u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
