i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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