i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
