does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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