I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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