There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
