I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
