i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
