matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
