well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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