I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
