Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
