i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize