Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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