you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
