This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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