My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
