Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you will always have a special place in my vag
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Boobs speak an international language.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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