this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
