"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
