Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize