the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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