hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
its not stalking. its research.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
