Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
