I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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