I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize