I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
my liver is dry heaving
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I need to align my fucking chakras
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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