Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
