Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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