don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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