I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
