Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
