i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
