Will you blow on my dice?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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