Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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