I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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