I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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