Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
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