Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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