I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
